As a college coach and as a mom, I have the opportunity to spend time with the most amazing high school and college students on the planet.
Many of the students I have the opportunity to spend time with struggle with anxiety. I often encourage them to read the blog of a beautiful young lady I know, Blair. She addresses many issues of living with anxiety. She discusses dating with anxiety and friendships with anxiety and many other valuable topics such as 21 things she learned while being 21.
She is gorgeous on the outside but even more beautiful on the inside. I reached out to her and asked her if she would write a blog post to encourage each of you. She graciously wrote something so profound that I couldn’t wait to share it with you. I hope her words will encourage you today.
From Blair -
This blog was the most emotional blog I have written, because it brought me back to the hardest times in my life. High school and college were dark times for me. As I have entered “adulthood,” I am able to look back on these times and see how much I’ve grown and matured in my mental health. I do not have it all figured out, but I’ve made it this far. So, that is a win for me! If you struggle with mental health, take the time to look back at your journey. Appreciate the growth, even if it seems small. As I’ve said before, I do not have all the answers, but I hope my story encourages you today to keep going, to acknowledge your strength and to show yourself some grace. You are capable. You are worthy. You are seen.
To my younger self,
I am not writing to tell you that your 22-year-old self has it all figured out, but I can tell you that you are accepted, you are seen, and you are in the process of figuring it out. I am crying as I write to you because I know how much pain you are in. I know you are afraid for people to find out that you aren’t perfect. I know you believe that if others knew you were on anxiety medication, they would think you are weak. I am telling you that it makes you strong. It means you had the courage to get help and to do what’s best for you. I just want you to know that you are going to understand and accept yourself one day.
I am here to tell you that all those times you thought you had a brain tumor or were having a heart attack were just examples of your anxiety controlling you. I wish I could tell you that you aren’t a hypochondriac anymore, but you still are. You still call mom every time you have a weird pain and google every symptom you ever have. What I can tell you is that you handle it so much better. I know right now all these fears seem so real and the sleepless nights when you are scared you won’t wake up are getting to you. Just know that those sleepless nights are few and far between now. Keep fighting.
If only I could tell you that your OCD and anxiety is gone, but it’s still here. You still have those nights where anxiety is so great you cannot breathe. The difference now is you don’t have to do it alone. You have people who know your little quirks and who know your triggers. They finally see you for who you are, because you asked for help. This was not easy. The stigma around mental health was consuming your thoughts. Breaking away from that stigma saved you. You found people just like you, and even ones who weren’t like you, but listened and accepted you. Stop apologizing for your anxiety! You are not a burden.
I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, but depression hits you really hard in college. Volleyball is taken away. You are no longer the star, and you lose your identity. The beautiful thing is that you are able to write about it today. All the nights you looked in the mirror and told yourself you weren’t going to make it are over. You made it! I wish I could walk into that bathroom and tell you it’s going to be okay, but you had to go through that in order to get where you are today. You had to be in the dark to see the light. I am here to tell you that you’ve found yourself. You got help. It was not easy, but you did it. Be proud of yourself.
My best advice to you is to believe in yourself. Your anxiety and depression have tricked you into believing that you are weak and not capable. You can get through this day. Be proud of these said “weaknesses.” These are your superpowers when you get older. Your anxiety does not end at the age of 22, but you are able to reach out for help, those 2-hour panic attacks turn into 30-minute panic attacks. You are able to fight off those dark thoughts that creep into your mind. You are not unworthy of love because you need extra help. You are loved by so many and deserving of everything good. It’s okay to not be okay. Allow yourself to accept that thought. It may seem like everyone else has it together, but they really don’t. You are not alone.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9